
3-6 September 2026, SQUAMISH, BC
Today, the physical reality of Bipolar Disease truly landed on me. Oddly enough, watching interviews with Dolly Parton is what triggered it. Seeing someone whose mind and actions had been so perfectly and deliberately aligned made me realize just how chaotic my own wiring has been. She was an extraordinary business person, among so many talents. Language is the number one, yet I didn’t see anyone talking about that, in so many words. She was a quick and witty wordsmith. It’s something that was clear from her interviews. No question of design upon her then or now, and nary a negative word from her, seemingly ever positive and radiant. This was a natural genius/talent nurtured well by her family. She developed a narrative, a seemingly simple series of events resulting in success. Several times she recounted events, particularly of family or childhood.
One particularly repeated story was of her high school graduation at which everyone stood up and announced what they were going to do with their lives. She recounts that she announced in all innocence and seriousness, she was becoming a country star. The story goes ‘they all laughed.’ ‘But I didn’t understand why, ‘cuz I was serious!’ And, of course, that is what she did. She puts it plainly, ‘I graduated on a Friday, and I went to Nashville on a Saturday.’ This was using the magic of language. She stated it Friday, calmly and with deliberation. She then took immediate action. Doubtless she was excited about this move. Once she had finished doing what she was doing, going to high school, she declared her future, then took immediate action. What else was there to do? Wait? Having a clear mind and a buxom, healthy body, there was no need for delay. And, by all accounts that is what she continued to do, day after day. One step up a continuous ladder of success. This was not easy. It was simply effective. Having a singular purpose in mind does certainly simplify answering the question: ‘What is next?’ One simply follows the closest-to-hand option that leads to answering that purpose. This will work well if you act in integrity towards purpose, so that one’s path remains clear of doubts and needless calculations. It was clear from all the interviews with her, that Dolly Parton was raised with great integrity, no matter humbly.
Dolly Parton died last month at age 80. Not only had she accomplished so much professionally, creatively, in largesse of business and of charity, but she had not stopped! The ongoing list of projects she was working on, or planning, is extraordinary. Of course, being Dolly Parton, these projects will continue as she has made plans for everything and, of course again, she has an amazing team around her who are continuing to move ahead. By the word of everything I heard and saw there is no doubt these plans may not only see the light of day, but be successful as well. Much of this is philanthropic; her legacy is sure to go on for years.
Not everyone has all their wiring so well put in place and is so encouraged. So, it is possible there are other geniuses out there as well, possibly still sorting out their wires, still in need of encouraging words, but prodigies nevertheless, hiding in plain sight. The only challenge is seeing their genius. This is a challenge both for the prodigy and the parents, friends, neighbours, etc. because frustrated genius rarely appears as genius. It appears as some kind of chaos or confusion, which makes identifying the underlying genius challenging, to say the least. This can be most frustrating to the prodigy/genius because from the interior perspective our hero senses something big yet he feels unable to articulate this ‘THING’, its purpose and vision. Like wanting, needing to sneeze, yet never sneezing. Like that, but it is not your nose that has that frustrating tickle, it is your life.
Recently (about three and a quarter percent of my life) I learned something about me that I was not aware of. It turns out that a few of my “wires” have some crossed signals. Apparently my brain has a neurotransmitter imbalance. This affects how my brain processes rewards, energy and emotional intensity. This impacts both my executive functions and how I process emotion and stress. I have less ability to balance and restrain emotions and can have stress pile up faster than other people experiencing the same things. This disease also affects my body’s circadian rhythms, which I find alters my sleep architecture, my hormone cycles and my metabolic functions. This disease is called bipolar disorder and I have it through a variety of genetic, environmental and maybe other factors.
This disease is polygenic, which means hundreds of specific genetic variations act together to disrupt neural development, synaptic plasticity and cellular communications across generations of families. Two years ago I found out that I’m bipolar. This is a physical disease, meaning that it is not a personal choice, character trait, or normal mood swings. The good news is that as diabetes can be managed with insulin, bipolar disorder responds to biological therapies. I have found out that a balance of right medications and therapy is gradually mitigating many aspects of my life that were not working so well. There is a lot of trial and error. But once I knew I could be better off than I was, like Dolly Parton, I took immediate action. I will tell you: it is like before I lived life in the clouds, mist drifting every way, hard to get my bearings, let alone navigate my life or create order when suddenly the clouds begin to part, starting a little here, a little there, until I see a misty path before me and see my feet upon this new vision.
How do you describe a rainbow to the blind or a bird song to the deaf? How do you explain what ‘normal’ is to someone who has never known this before? All that I knew was that sometimes it felt as though the entire world as we know it had abandoned me. In this state it seemed pointless to try, it just made things worse, like stepping on the gas when a four wheel drive has all four wheels spinning in mud. Other times it felt as though I owned the world and had it by the tail. If one had felt one way or the other reliably, then I might have learned to cope with it. However, the nature of this disease’s harm comes from the unpredictability of when a switch occurred. It might not happen for months, when suddenly one random morning I wake up polarized the opposite way. If I had been depressed, now I was ecstatic, bouncing off walls. Manic, or hypomanic. If I was manic, seemingly as unpredictably one morning I would wake up dreading the day ahead, clear in this conviction that there was really no hope whatsoever. Obviously this was extremely difficult for those around me, including friends, family and cohorts. It turns out that relative stability is a pretty frequent prerequisite for most people in forming and maintaining relationships.
Often then I really truly was alone in life, sometimes going days, weeks or even months without true human contact, excepting my own, of course, whose only comfort during these times was its rancid familiarity. Other times, I felt like a human magnet: people so predictably and enthusiastically related and connected with me. Again, it was the uncontrollable switching which prevented connections from sticking. The variations of emotional intensity which occur with bipolarism are uncontrolled, virtually uncontrollable in some situations, externally. While internally the stress of the intensity and its switching polarity tested the roots of my being, directing me to question everything including my own purpose and validity. Externally, this appeared sometimes as uncontrolled bursts of violent emotion calibrated to separate me from everything and everyone dear in this life.
Executive functions are impacted by bipolarism. Having a finite supply of executive functioning, I learned how to make the most of my attention and focus when I have it. I try to decide things, if possible as they pop up, because delaying means I may get overloaded with complex inputs or I might forget. Talk of forgetting things reminds me of how much I taught things to myself through data. Realizing my executive functions are not always reliably effective means I have learned how to record things, employing a wide variety of both digital and analog methods. My favorite of all was and is my ability to create hybrid means of memory and recall, that is combining both digital and analog media, generating something altogether new.
Dolly Parton declared her vision and went to Nashville the next day. My vision is to build a global brand of sober bars—creating a healthier, more conscious way of eating, relating, and building community. By exploiting my knowledge of writing and of technology, I am creating my Nashville. That’s how I get to see my vision realized. I don’t think you need to be born with perfect wiring to build your vision. I think I can build a life I love just exactly the way I am.
About the picture, I was not fortunate enough to meet Dolly Parton in this lifetime, but if we had been firsthand friends I would have loved to have her over for dinner. Bless you Dolly! -BMW









